The Anxious Bride

Seems that I’m averaging a post a year on this thing, but seeing as I’m dealing with a lot of things right now, I won’t worry too much about what my dear readers (if any left) think of me (no offense).

I’m getting married in 3 short months (where does the time go?!) and while I thought this would be such a happy time, I’m finding that I’m more and more anxious, more and more withdrawn, and less myself than I’ve been in a while. Which is funny because about a year ago, “myself” was stressed, anxious and lonesome. But I’ve managed to move past that, and move past my insecurities and really got comfortable in my own skin. Or so I thought.

But there’s something going on, and it’s taking me right back to the self-pitying, self-abusive, scaredy-cat that I’ve been for what seems to be the majority of my adult life. And there are the obvious culprits, but despite this self-awareness, I can’t seem to nip this feeling in the bud.

Marriage is exciting, but there’s so much change that comes about with it. Financial commitments, moving away from family, social relationships vs priorities – it’s a lot to take in.

And at this very “exciting” time in my personal life, there are a lot of changes in my professional one.

After almost a year of having developed a solid team, one of them is resigning. The GM has moved on to a regional role and we’re all awaiting the announcement of his replacement. My boss might be leaving as well.

Pressure to perform is being thrown at me from so many different angles. And it’s a bit exhausting. And my soundness of mind isn’t holding up.

And while I have friends and family around me to talk to, I feel like I can’t. My family are dealing with me “going away”. My friends have their own things to deal with. I can’t share this with the fiance as I don’t want him to think I’m unhappy.

And honestly, I feel a little silly and embarrassed that I even feel this way.

It’s overwhelming.

And as I try to wrap up this post, I just received another bomb at work that I need to deal with.


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