It’s not you, it’s me

One of the worst things that can happen to you at work is for

1) your boss to tell you that the work your department is putting out is not up to standard

2) and to tell you that it’s their fault for not checking up on your work

Not only am I incapable of evaluating good work from bad, but my boss doesn’t really expect me to, as she’ll be checking up on it anyway. FUCK ME.

I feel like a first class loser.

Yesterday the GM was complaining to my boss about the quality of the qualitative insights in our reports. *I’m heading the qualitative department, by the way* Saying that we aren’t adding any value. Saying that clients are not seeing why they should spend on qual anymore since quant is delivering on all the insights. Luckily I was away at a client meeting so I didn’t have to take the brunt of this bashing directly, but my boss put it on me this morning. Less aggressively, which I appreciate, but nonetheless, my department is being CALLED OUT.

Theeeeeen, to add insult to injury, a manager from a totally different department told me today that the qualitative insight that my team added to her report is “concerning” her. “I don’t see the value – it’s concerning me”.

Finally, a client (top spender – super important – first time we work with them qualitatively – type-of-client) sends comments on a report we recently delivered.

No. He didn’t say he couldn’t find the value in what we sent. Thank God.

But, he did point out a few typo’s here and there which is super embarrassing. So I bitched at the team. Minimum requirement. Proofread your shit. For fucks sake.

My BOSS comes back at me with, “why didn’t you proofread?”

@%$#@%$^^&^&$*%#$%^#%*#@%#%##@!!!!!!!!!

I just emailed the girls. I just bitched them out. I just told them how I had asked them to proofread 283974 times and the client still found mistakes. WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME IF I PROOFREAD?!

Pity party. Table for 1. I know, I know.

The consequences really didn’t go beyond just that. A casual conversation and some friendly advice to really crack down on the reports that we put out. But I feel like I just can’t get it right.

I know that if I were writing the reports there would be no questions, no issues, no comments – nada. But I can’t write every report. I have to teach the girls to do it. I have to help them learn and grow. But I don’t know how to bloody do that.

I’m a firm believer in the ol’ sayin’ “if you want something done right, do it yourself”. Backwards, inefficient, unproductive as that is – it works for me. I trust my work. I’m good at what I do. And my boss knows it. But my role has changed (this is what I wanted) and I really don’t know how to manage/coach/motivate/inspire/blah blah blah.

I learn from example. I get fired up when I see a really good output. I emulate. I understand. I take it in and use it. I don’t know if these girls learn that way. And I’m spoon-feeding, I really am. I don’t know what else to do. And all I’m going to do is keep trying and pray for the best.

But for right now I’m gonna be pissed off and annoyed and hate the world for hating on me.

Cuz fuck you, it damn straight isn’t me.

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3 thoughts on “It’s not you, it’s me

  1. I could tell u a story or two about the managers need to quality check underlings work. Like you I learnt the hard way.. Shit happens. Just pick out the under performers and chew them out. Then chew out the whole team for not coming together.. After a few days congratulate them on pulling it together for a minor win.

    Classic shit sandwich but it works

    Bottom line it’s ur arse on the line so till you can oil your guys to preform you need to storm and norm 😊

    • Mumu it’s so hard!!! And unfortunately it’s not that they’re not putting in an effort, there’s just a huge thinking/understanding gap that I don’t know how to teach. I share readings, examples of good reports, white papers, you name it. I don’t know how to teach them HOW to think.
      Super frustrating because it IS my ass on the line – and I hate it!

      • As a leader you need to develop people. As a manager you need to manage output and insure your people preform. you need to go through phases to shape your team but it does depend on their individual capabilities. Stuff like education background, intelligence, motivation and ability to take direction play a big part.

        you can train everyone but you need to choose who can get the most out of it :)
        to get a team to preform you need to first storm and norm.

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