Random brain fart occurred to me earlier this morning as I was having a cigarette. I was making mental notes of everything I had to prepare in order to finish up the gift I’m making for the boy as tomorrow is our one year anniversary. And then I got stuck with the thought of having a one year anniversary. I’ve never had one of those! And this thought turned into how far I’ve come in my life. How in one year I’ve seen myself grow out of silly insecurities that would have normally ruined my chances at a decent relationship, romantic or otherwise. And although it was a generally good feeling – I started to realise how much older I am. Which turned into a full self critique of how cautious I’ve become. And that thought birthed today’s post.
I know (and have experienced) that with age, you learn more, grow, understand the people and world around you better, make a life of your own – so yes, I see that older is wiser.
But older is also more cautious. Older is more careful. Older is more responsible. Older is planned out. And quite frankly, older can be overrated.
You work 9 hours a day or more. You save. You shop for groceries. You pay bills. You skip out on the 2nd helping of fabulousness so you can enjoy a piece of some light, sugar-free charlatan posing as cake. You have to do lists. You become predictable. You get boring. And all in an attempt to secure the same lifestyle you had when you were younger, but at an older age.
Young and stupid? I’ll take it.
I skipped a few classes now and again. I lived in the detention hall for most of my highschool years and skipped out on a few homework assignments. I hid things from my mom and wasn’t where I told her I’d be some of the time. I dated the wrong guys. I wore some horrid outfits. I dyed the tips of my hair fire engine red. And then I cut all my hair off. I ate and drank things that were questionable, to say the least. I stayed out late. I cried a lot. But I laughed even more. I did a lot of things that people said I shouldn’t have done.
But I’m alive and well and blogging about it now, so clearly all the cautionary “don’ts” or “you shouldn’ts” or “you’ll regret its” were exaggerated. Obviously some kids can get super stupid – but in general, I like young and stupid. It was nice. It was nice to not have a job. It was nice to do things just because. It was nice not to have to plan. It was nice to be fearless.
And while my older (older, mind you, not old) and wiser self knows that there are perks that come with age, I will do my best to keep my young and stupid spirit alive as long as I can get away with it.
In closing (and quite fittingly) – the boy and I will be celebrating our anniversary at the arcades hall (“hall”? no?) and enjoying a lunch of wings and beer!