I had a great weekend. It was warm – actually, it was HOT – and we picnicked and it was beautiful (more on that in another post once I’m feeling it). The boy and I had a movie date which brought the weekend to the close.
And then Sunday happened. For no particular reason (well not no reason at all, but none that I want to particularly discuss) I woke up less than confident and it has set a rather negative tone for the day. The weather plummeted from a nice 30 degrees (Celsius) to a chilling 12 degrees with rain. We turned on the heat in the office only to get enveloped in a suffocating shit smell (somehow the sewage smell from the faulty bathroom made its way into the air vents) so the heat was turned off immediately. Now, cold and rank, we have the less-than-ideal setting in which to spend the next 7 hours. I am less than amused.
I have yet to make any friends at work. Which is my fault. But I just don’t know how to do it. And I don’t mean “friends” as in hang out on the weekend and create super intimate relationships. I’d just like to come in and have someone to talk to, rather than sit alone all day. This is contributing largely to my self-consciousness and as I lament on my victimized state, my boss tells me that I’ll be running the workload meetings with the team from now on.
Great. Perfect timing. Catch me at the top of my confidence to start pulling rank on the team that in 5 weeks, I have yet to create any kind of relationship with.
I have everything I want. Honestly. The boy who I’m absolutely smitten with. The job that offers an actual career. The boss that’s insanely supportive. Family is in good health and are crazier than ever. Why is it that I find it so difficult to enjoy being happy?
No, I’m not miserable all the time. But today is not my day and I’m totally going to let myself feel the worst of it. Let it out. Play the part. Be as miserable, bitchy, unappreciative and self-loathing as I want because I feel like it.
And although all I want to do is to curl up in a ball with a hot water bottle, chocolate and a good movie, I will publish this post and get to the work I’ve been putting off for the past 3 days.