So my little disappearing act is a result of both good and bad.
The good news: My bitch/complaint reserves have been depleted (well, not completely, but severely diminished).
The bad news: I’ve gotten lazy. And we all know that an idle mind is the devils playground. And boy has he been playing! So much so that I haven’t the energy to even blitch anymore (note: blitch = blog and bitch)
I owe my new-found happiness to my lovely boyfriend. Almost solely. Because he is patient and kind and understanding and funny and laid back and hates to argue and loves to kiss and….[sigh] he’s just the whole package, really. And if my previous posts haven’t let on, I’m quite a handful. Irrational. Moody. Ungrateful (at times). Defensive. Glutton for punishment. And bitchy. Very bitchy. So the fact that this boy has been with me for four months (voluntarily and without injury) is very much the reason for my light-hearted positivity.
#1: The Job
Not loving my new job. I’m sure my role in this ever quickening failure is quite sizable. But as this is my blog and this is where I get to vent, I will cast full blame on the fact that they are afraid of change and worry that my knowledge and experience is a threat to them. This isn’t largely untrue, but it’s definitely not the entirety of the problem.
#2: The Mind
My mood swings are a mother, and when I get lazy, my mind doesn’t. I’ve had quite a lot of time to mull over my short comings and failures to the point that I’ve erased any shred of good or strength that I have. I constantly referee the battles between the angel and devil on my shoulders, with routines and plans and solutions to get the angel out on top, but this lasts a very short time and then the devil’s got me crying for absolutely no reason. And no, this isn’t only when I’m PMSing.
#3: The Family
For no apparent reason – sometimes my family just gets on my last nerve. And seeing as I still live with my parents (and by parents I mean mother and aunt – “double whammy” as someone once said) it’s kind of hard to avoid. It’s gotten to the point that when they speak, I get anxious and defensive, even if the conversation is not directed at me.
The Plan (cuz I always have a plan)
Working hard at the gym. I’ve been working out regularly for a month and am working towards a marathon in my near future. This is an area that totally messes with my mind, but I’m hoping that I can at least conquer this and get my first 42K in before my 29th birthday. Fingers crossed.
Looking for a new job. Again. Something outside the agency realm. I think I’m done with being a glorified secretary; maybe that’s the problem? We’ll find out.
Chilling the f#$^ out. I’m my own biggest enemy. So I’m going to try to not beat myself up all the time. Only when it’s deserved. And I will work on figuring out exactly when that is.
Hopefully it won’t be another 2-3 months before I blog again, but at least know that it means I’m not completely miserable anymore.