OK so you know how you’ll have these thoughts? When you’ve got it all figured out, and you know what everyone’s thinking and they’re all out to get you? Yes, they’re only thinking about you. And their actions are reactions to yours. And you’ll never be good enough. (If you don’t have these thoughts, oh how I envy you)
Well today is one of those days. Unprompted. Without incident. Just woke up with so much self-doubt that it’s making me crazy.
The boy hasn’t been able to sleep lately. I’ve concluded that he’s worried about the relationship and thinking if he wants to be in this and it’s keeping him up and he’s not happy and he’s wondering how he can get out of it. Absolute self-sabotage. And I am fully aware that this could be and probably is the farthest thing from the truth, but I don’t know how to over-come the feeling. His reassurance is great (which he gives without even knowing), but I still have this nagging feeling. I figure that as I am writing this out, I can read it and realize how ridiculous I am and believe in myself a little.
Ukh and I’m being cold with him. Punishing him for something he hasn’t done. I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear.
Oh and I have a bloody interview today! Not the day to be feeling less than confident!
Baby steps. I’ll go to the mall and buy shoes without anyone’s consultation.