nonexistent

OK so you know how you’ll have these thoughts? When you’ve got it all figured out, and you know what everyone’s thinking and they’re all out to get you? Yes, they’re only thinking about you. And their actions are reactions to yours. And you’ll never be good enough. (If you don’t have these thoughts, oh how I envy you)

Well today is one of those days. Unprompted. Without incident. Just woke up with so much self-doubt that it’s making me crazy.

The boy hasn’t been able to sleep lately. I’ve concluded that he’s worried about the relationship and thinking if he wants to be in this and it’s keeping him up and he’s not happy and he’s wondering how he can get out of it. Absolute self-sabotage. And I am fully aware that this could be and probably is the farthest thing from the truth, but I don’t know how to over-come the feeling. His reassurance is great (which he gives without even knowing), but I still have this nagging feeling. I figure that as I am writing this out, I can read it and realize how ridiculous I am and believe in myself a little.

Ukh and I’m being cold with him. Punishing him for something he hasn’t done. I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

Oh and I have a bloody interview today! Not the day to be feeling less than confident!

Baby steps. I’ll go to the mall and buy shoes without anyone’s consultation.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “nonexistent

  1. Does the girl think she doesn’t deserve to have the boy? Does being in a healthy relationship sound too good to be true??Food for thought…
    Maybe the boy is loosing sleep thinking she’s not that into me anymore, or maybe he’s just been having too much coffee lately ;)
    The point is its really not all about US. We just think it is. No one obsesses over us they way we do over ourselves.
    Hope the interview goes well.

  2. Thanks – I’ve realised the girl should be patient because as soon as I have these doubts or vocalize them in any way, the boy will say/do something to make me realise I have nothing to worry about. He’s been really comforting!
    And the interview went quite well :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s