I woke up with resolve today, as I have for the past few days. I woke up and told myself that I decide what happens today. I will make things happen. Things will not happen to me today. Today will be different. No more bullshit. It all changes today.
Today I’ll go for a run. Today I’ll be strong in my resolve. I will not cave today. Today I will be positive. Today I will show him that I won’t always be available. I’ll cross off all the items on my to-do list today. Today I will shine. I will not smoke today. I will finish an entire liter of water today. Today I’ll smile; I’ll feel good today. Today will be constructive. Productive. Optimistic. Empowering. Liberating. Today will be different. Today, I’ll be different.
But, today didn’t work out as I had planned. Just like yesterday. And the day before.
Today, I want to punch someone. I’m a little frustrated today. I’m a little disappointed today. I’m a little heartbroken. I need a beer today. I need everyone to leave me the f@#k alone today. I need today to be over.
And all I can do (short of absolutely losing it) is to believe that tomorrow will be different.
Tomorrow has to be different.