I wonder how many weeks of this I can sustain. I don’t really have a lot of secrets, but there are things I wouldn’t usually say out loud. Until now.
1) I am on my third attempt this year to quit smoking and I must say, I’m very disciplined this time around (I’ve had 6 or 7 cigarettes since March 17th). I don’t really crave a cigarette as often as I thought I would and I’m able to distract myself so that I don’t actually smoke, but I find that my resistance to quitting is not based on an addiction or lack of will power. Rather, I’m not excited about becoming a “non-smoker”. The name; the grouping; the association – it just bothers me. For the duration of my smoking-life, non-smokers were always really annoying and super righteous. Smokers were the bad ass, laid back and, dare I say it, “cool” people. And by quitting, I worry that I will become “uncool”. Trust me, I feel just as stupid as that sounds. But that’s why this is the confessionals post.
2) A friend of mine from university was in town for a few days with his girlfriend (first time I meet her). She seems nice but I wasn’t crazy about her. Instead, I told him she was fabulous and that he had a “keeper”. I have no idea why I said that at all. He didn’t even ask me what I thought!
3) Today I told my supervisor that I would be resigning, as an April Fool’s day joke. It was SO NICE watching him squirm when I told him! Part of me was worried the joke would back fire and that he’d be all like “oh, OK”. But he was sweating. And I loved it.
4) Writing these confessions (when I’m not confessing silly things like not liking peanut butter) always, always makes me self-conscious. And yeah, I really don’t like peanut butter.